Why Are You Here ?
by RH.MEIS
Summary: Post Season six, Dean takes a good look at his life, death and family   Dean POV suck at summaries.   spelling and Grammar stinks, Wrote it on my ipod, thats why the spaccing looks weird  please review.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Supernatural, that would be the WB, and Eric Kripke.

This is my first Fanfic, and my spelling/ grammar stinks, enjoy.

Chapter one

People say life is a wonderful thing and should treat everyday like it's their last, yeah for me that's a rule. If I even make it till noon I'd say it's a good day.

You see I've been part of something big, for along as I could remember, My last night of a "Normal" life, is when my mother ironically said "angels are watching over me" and then the scream that's still in my head till this day, echoed threw my room.

I still remember the heat, the heat that only a fire can bring, but I knew something was wrong, and that's when my first order was given to me, one that I still obey even now.

"take your brother, and run as fast as you can", I don't remember getting from the 2nd floor to the front yard, all I remember was not to droop my baby brother.

"Be careful with him, he's very fragile" that's what my mother said, and that's what I did,

The flames where big, even for a four year old, I thought I saw something or someone in the flames of my brother's nursery , thinking about it now I hope it was the something and not the someone, that was cost in the flames. The flames where getting hotter as I was checking on my brother, and then I remember "Flying" and this back lash of heat hit us.

I was in shock, time stood still, I remember...Loud sirens, and flashing lights, I wanted my mom, but she wasn't any where, dad took Sam from me and we when to the car, he put me on the hood, and took a seat beside me, I just wanted my mom, Dad was shaking so much the car was too, I just wanted my mom.


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Supernatural, that would be the WB, and Eric Kripke.

This is my first Fanfic, and by spelling/ grammar stinks, enjoy.

Chapter two

I don't understand when people say I'm not good with kids, in times of crises, I think I can call Bull on that.

It was just a little over a month after the fire, Dad told me that mom was "Dead", not "gone to a better places", not "with the angels" just Dead. I was mad not at my farther but the Angels. If they where looking after me, why not my mother, if I knew what I know now, I would has seen this whole oxymoron, that is called, my life.

I was quite, too quite.I was just watching everything and everyone, like I do now.

Dad was back to the way I didn't like, the same with mom. He was quite to, but mad. He tried to "smile" when I looked at him, but then ruffled my hair and went out side, he was like that for some time, one day after Christmas he left, I stayed behind , he said my order for life "Take care of Sammy." all I did was nod, he smiled , and closed the door.

I don't remember the people of the house, but I remember what they were like. They wanted me to get out of the house for some fresh air, but my order was to looking after Sammy. Even with out talking I still put up a fight, the women a friend of my mothers told me something that changed me,

"Dean, your mom would wanted you to be brave." she was right, she gave me this little egg timer, and I would go out for 15min everyday, she made it ezyer buy making me go out side during Sam's nap time. But as soon as it went off I bolted back to the house, as I got in I ran to where Sam was sleeping, and he was ok, still sleeping, like he never even needed me.

I remember Smashing that egg timer.


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own Supernatural, that would be the WB, and Eric Kripke.

This is my first Fanfic, and by spelling/ grammar stinks, enjoy.

Chapter Three

Grave yards, the place where I do most of my work, but the first time I went to one wasn't for work, but for a normal funeral, a funeral for my mother.

A funeral from a five year old point of view is different from an adult, they want to play or go home, but when you have no home to go to, and no one to play with, you just as quite as everyone else. People where sad, crying. Dad was mad, looking at this box and a hole, that I had no clue about.

When it was over, it was just Dad, myself and Sammy, looking at this rock, then Dad took my hand and we left, not just the grave yard but Kansas, all together

Looking out the window of the car, that's when I said my first words in over five months "goodbye, mommy"


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Supernatural, that would be the WB, and Eric

I also don't own Scooby-Doo.

This is my first Fanfic, and by spelling/ grammar stinks, enjoy.

Chapter four

monsters are real, that's not some guy in makeup, this is not Scooby-Doo. this is real,

I should of been scared, but I wasn't, that shows how mest up I am, but that Gun in my hand looking at this beast with pure evil in it eyes, I just wasn't. I remember my Dad with worry as he was yelling my name, to run or do something, knowing my farther he was probably saying "shoot" as the beast got closer, I remember what my dad said "protect Sammy" and that's what I did, the ricoshay of the gun hurt, but the smell of blood and gun fire was everywhere, dying in the evening wind.

And with that one perfect shot, my path was made and my other mission had just stared.

And my farther was proud. and I smiled because he was proud.


	5. Chapter 5

I do not own Supernatural, that would be the WB, and Eric Kripke.

This is my first Fanfic, and by spelling/ grammar stinks, enjoy.

Chapter five

Lying is an art, it takes years to master it, if you can master it at six it's even better.

The thing you have to remember is continuity, one little slip up, a whole plain can go up in smoke.

Months and years of living in motels, I got the idea of what my farther wanted me to do, we had signals, codes and rules, that must be fallowed all the time. Sammy was too young to under stand, it made me sad that this was his "normal".

The thing I hated the most is when I started to lye to him. The questions were small, but the true answers were too hard to say.

He asks "why don't we have a mom?" "why do we move so much?" "what does dad do?"

And I begged him to stopped asking me "you don't want to know Sammy, trust me."

I wanted him to be at lest some what normal for at lest a little bit longer. But for my family nothing last for long.


	6. Chapter 6

I do not own Supernatural, that would be the WB, and Eric Kripke.

This is my first Fanfic, and by spelling/ grammar stinks, enjoy.

Chapter six

I had dreams once, go to college, get a real job, maybe be a fireman, but all that changed because of Flagstaff.

Flagstaff, I don't hate the place just the memory behind the places.

I had no idea what I did, but Sam was just gone.

I waited for him at the doors of the school, and a kid from his soccer team said he skipped school, that was a big red flag, the geek boy loved school, even too much to even skip one day of it.

I remember looking every where, allies, diners, are motel, praying that he isn't dead.

Then Dad came home, I told him I lost him.

when I was younger and messed up, he was mad, now that I was older he was ferrous,

it was like I was one of the things we hunted.

We finally got news to where he was, a small little places near Flagstaff,When we got there, Sam and Dad were fighting, Sam blamed me for being a big mouth worry wort, then we hit the road.

I only had two months of high school left. I had to drop out, "farther's orders", to keep a better eye on Sam.

I had dreams once to.


	7. Chapter 7

I do not own Supernatural, that would be the WB, and Eric Kripke.

This is my first Fanfic, and by spelling/ grammar stinks, enjoy.

Chapter seven

A farther's pride, never really had that, until the end.

Sam left us, to chase his dream, it's ironic that his dream was to argue for a living, well he trained with the best.

Dad was proud, the proudest I've ever seen, I do everything he asked me to and I never get that kind of reaction, ok the Impala was a nice treat, but any way.

It was just me and dad, and then... just me.

I alway think "Did I did something wrong that people just want to leave"

dad came back that same week ,he went to Cali, wanted to check on Sam.

I knew my place after that.


	8. Chapter 8

I do not own Supernatural, that would be the WB, and Eric Kripke.

This is my first Fanfic, and by spelling/ grammar stinks, enjoy.

Chapter Eight

You know the saying "history repeats it self " that was one thing I never wanted to happen.

The look wasn't Sammy any more, no, it was the face of My farther

A face of a man, that lost someone so close to them, there will be hell to pay because of the loss.

I knew that look, and I stood by my brothers side because like always

"we had work to do"


	9. Chapter 9

I do not own Supernatural, that would be the WB, and Eric Kripke.

This is my first Fanfic, and by spelling/ grammar stinks, enjoy.

Chapter Nine

My farther was prodded of me, but everything comes with a prices.

The accident, it's a little hazy, all I remember was my car was trashed. When I came too, my farther said things I only dreamed him say to me, he was proud of me, my farther with all of the years of crap ,was proud of me.

But like my farther,their was always a catch, always.

He gave me one order, that contradict what my whole life was about. And then he died.

My farther died, with that as his last words to me,

sometimes I envy my brother, I would gladly took their fight over this.


	10. Chapter 10

I do not own Supernatural, that would be the WB, and Eric Kripke.

This is my first Fanfic, and by spelling/ grammar stinks, enjoy.

Chapter ten

Have you ever had nothing, truly had nothing, you would even give your soul to have it back.

I relate to those people , what you're willing to do, fight or even kill, it even scares me at times.

and when you have it back, you're at peace.

You don't care about the consequences, because the trade is not even enuf.

Too have it back, that's what's worth it, no matter what they think.


	11. Chapter 11

I do not own Supernatural, that would be the WB, and Eric Kripke.

This is my first Fanfic, and by spelling/ grammar stinks, enjoy.

Chapter eleven

I've been dead for a long time, metaphorically and literally, They say theirs no rest for the wicked, and that is true.

Fire, my whole life Fire has always been there, for years I took this pain, and I said it was worth it, but it only takes one instant to fall to your inner demons, and to tell you the truth, it was amazing.

To rip into someone's soul, to give pain, not the one taking it, then I realized I was the thing I hated, was I always like this, was I always this, damage ?

I shaded blood, and I broke. So help me, I did.

But faith has a scenes of humor, I was saved, someone cared, and I don't know if I should of thanked them or punch them.


	12. Chapter 12

I do not own Supernatural, that would be the WB, and Eric Kripke.

This is my first Fanfic, and by spelling/ grammar stinks, enjoy.

Chapter twelve

Betrayal, I know it so well, I give this as some free advices, when you give your dying words to someone, they more or likely not going to follow it.

My "not a baby" brother, is so revenge driven just like my dad, but also very impressionable , it's always " it will help now" he never see the after affects .

When I got back, he was doing fine... But that was the mask he always had on, ...what don't know about this kid.

This girl I knew...gave me a good example , "he 'was just lost' " ...

My brother became something... I never wanted him to be, ...it's hard to explain , He's not the bad guy, Ok.

... But speaking about betrayal, my farther, can still do that bond the grave,

We have this long lost brother... Even when I hear that I don't know to ether rethink it , or scream and hit someone, He had everything, that Sam and I wanted the normalcy that we dreamed for, but that didn't last long for him, looks like the kid was are brother after all.


	13. Chapter 13

I do not own Supernatural, that would be the WB, and Eric Kripke.

This is my first Fanfic, and by spelling/ grammar stinks, enjoy.

Chapter 13

Destine... my free will is all that I have.

People say I was met for this, I say "stick it where the sun shines" , this life has had it's costs, And everyday I have to see that.

I've seen things and done things that you couldn't even imagine, and if I said.

"you know I just saved your ass, with out you even knowing it."

You would say that I'm crazy... well crazyer, but crazy non the less.

What do you say about that?


	14. Chapter 14

I do not own Supernatural, that would be the WB, and Eric Kripke.

This is my first Fanfic, and by spelling/ grammar stinks, enjoy.

Chapter 14

The truth is, I am dead in side, everything may be "okie dokie"...(pause)...okie...Agh!

/SLAM!/

How can I fight, if theirs nothing left to fight...or to fight for!

"Can you please Tell me,!"

Dean is huffing trying to catch his berth, standing, in a therapist office.

Eyes locked on the doctor.

A women in her late 40's note pad in her hand looking at this broken man.

" Well Dean, as I said in the beginning , then 'Why are you're here?"

" ... I... I... I Failed my family ...everyone...everyone is gone, I'm alone, again."

Dean slowly sitting back down., stiff and stern

"what about your lady friend Lisa Braeden and here Son...Ben, don't you consider them your family?"

"yes, ...but I'm only going to hurt them too"

"then why are you there ?"

"Because...It was an order."


	15. Chapter 15

I do not own Supernatural, that would be the WB, and Eric Kripke.

This is my first Fanfic, and by spelling/ grammar stinks, enjoy.

Doctors Notes (final chapter)

Name: Dean Van Halen

D.O.D: Jan 24,1979

Referral: Dr.Babar

Dean suffers from an extreme case of PTSD and self worth, trust/abandonment issues.

- witness mothers death

- was in position of weapons, as in early age. (shot something, N/A as of yet)

- lived in motels/house fire (no scenes of home)

- talks like he was a solider, * ** probably farther's military training

- talks about being in battle *** not registered with any military format

- feels weight of the world on his shoulders. ( too extreme mergers )

- feels farther favored his other brother

- farther's death

- lost half brother (feels betrayed by farther)

- no cause to live/self loth

- younger brothers death. (mentally/emotionally drains him, mention with caution)

Dean is a protector by instinct,

-obeyed his Farther, extremely

- protecting his brother. (brother may of been addictive to something)

- is wayward towards the Braeden family

Dean also has a additive personality (emotionally and substances) ,

alway trying to please someone., seems to be some what of a pathological lier,

could form it's self into OCD

Dean mentions "Angels" , as bad omens , has no religious connections

Talked about "monsters"

Talks about death, too easily (keep tabs on that)

Mentions "Hunting" and Grave Yards ( what was this family's job)

Prescription: I would recommend Dean to go on a ,anti-depressant / sedative, and check in a copal of days

Prescription pick up: YES. 1/5

YES. 2/5

Update: Dean Van Halen / Braeden family moved, (no reason why.)

Fw: to Dr. Singer


End file.
